irritating & oversleeps

[irritating]

[ The past few days have been easy on Apollo and her crew, mostly because she technically hasn't asked them to even do anything. Most of them are on land drinking and gambling during the little break, brought on by Apollo's decision to keep the Strumpet docked while Marduk is in Ce Monde. She's pretty sure he's hiding in the cargo hold somewhere for whatever fucking reason though, so she's had to spend her time with Malakai, Metalhead, and a couple of her personal companions. She figures he'll come out of hiding eventually.

On this sunny afternoon, she's spending her time with Metalhead. Sitting on the edge of the ship up front, Apollo continually throws a toy as far as she can down the deck, waits for the dog to run and retrieve it, throwing it again once he deposits the slobbered on toy into her hand. ]

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[oversleeps]

Ah-- there's no point. [ more accurately, that's what he's afraid of. what if he does goto talk to him, actually admits how miserable he is without him-- and it doesn't matter? that would be worse than anything, he thinks. better to keep his mouth shut than to risk hearing that's the truth.

marduk raises his head, not quite looking at apollo, staring at some distant point over her shoulder. ] It's not even really that, you know? Trouble. So-- [ he trails off with a shrug. it's hard to defend inaction but he's certainly sticking to his guns today. ]

[irritating]

Then what is it then, huh?

[ Nope, she's not buying it. She doesn't know what's happening between Marduk and Vanadi, obviously, and it's so damn difficult to get anything out of him that she isn't sure she can even manage to get him to talk to her - but that isn't stopping her from trying. Stepping to the side, trying to put herself right in his line of vision even as he tries to look elsewhere, Apollo gives him a very honest look. ]

Me an' Mala used to fight, a lot. An' we were off an' on, 'cause we weren't dealin' with our bullshit. Just ignorin' it, hopin' it would go away and things would work out on their own, but they didn't. We had to work at this, we wouldn't be married an' happy with each other now if we didn't. Ain't you willin' to work with Vanadi?

I AM SO SICK OF HTML WHY THE FUCK DID I EVER USE AN ITALICS TAG IN MY LIFE

[oversleeps]

Have you considered that maybe-- if he does hate me-- I would want to fucking know?

[ his gaze snaps back to her at that last part, the question, where he's actually yelling-- and still he backs away, up against the railing and snarling like a cornered animal. one of his hands finds the rail and he digs his claws into it, scoring deep gashes into the wood. ] I can't fucking live with that, Apollo! How could I--

[ marduk is fully aware of how childish he sounds. unfortunately, the realization only serves to make him more defensive, and he spits a curse at the deck from his native tongue. ]

too late now italics 4 lyfe

[irritating]

[ Any other time and she'd be complaining that he's ruining her perfect ship and hassling him about it, but right now, she doesn't even notice the torn up state of the wood. All she sees is an alarmingly distraught Marduk who, for once, is actually letting her in - he's yelling at her, sure, but he's being honest all the same. And it keeps her quiet while he yells and curses because no, she hadn't considered that he doesn't want to know. ]

Marduk, hey, calm down. [ Apollo telling someone to calm down is kind of absurd, but she's standing her ground anyway. ] Doin' it your way ain't gonna resolve anythin'. I told you, problems just don't fuckin' fix themselves. You thinkin' he hates you is a problem, if you don't talk to him, then what's gonna have to happen to make it better, huh? Why d'you think he hates you?

[oversleeps]

Shut up! I am calm-- [ isn't that obvious from the yelling? marduk puts his hands over his face, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. ugh. he hates it when apollo points something out that's right-- he really does need to take a step back, here, even if he's loathe to listen to her.

he pauses to breathe-- for a while, before dropping his hands and straightening up a little. marduk looks apollo dead in the eye at first (twice in one day? a record) but can't maintain it; he looks away, stewing over the answer to her questions.

he's not even going to address the first one, that one gets dismissed as being definitely rhetorical, and also definitely something he doesn't want to think about. he crosses his arms, still feeling defensive-- and a bit stupid-- as he talks. ] I don't know. It's nothing. He leaves-- he comes back, but he doesn't stay-- we may as well be strangers. [ by now, he is properly calm. his voice is tired and dull, though, much as before: the sound of someone resigned to a depressing inevitable. ]

[irritating]

[ Part of her thinks of dragging him into a hug since he kind of seems like he could use one, but ultimately, she simply stands with him instead. She'll let him cycle through the motions, the thoughts, the feelings, let him breathe before she tries to smother him again.

And with that explanation, she suddenly understands now why he had been asking about Malakai. ]

D'you ever say anythin' when he comes back? When he leaves? Does he say anythin'? How long does he go for, an' what's he like when he comes back?

[ His voice strikes her as so... god, it's so sad, and although she doesn't go for a hug, she does reach out and place her hand on his arm. She's right here, and even though her advice may not always be the greatest, she's here for him. So talk to her. ]

[oversleeps]

[ he stares at her hand for a moment, trying to decide if he should brush her off or not. that's not worth the battle in the end; not as much as deflecting her questions is. in the end, after all her prying, he only shakes his head. the details aren't important. probably. if they are-- well, he's about hit his limit for questioning anyway. ]

Forget I said anything. [ she won't, but maybe she'll get the hint enough to back off. ]

[irritating]

[ There is no way she's going to forget all of that. And she knows that he wants her to back off, but he always wants her to back off and give him space, so it's with great restraint that she simply frowns at him instead of barking back at him. For the moment. ]

I'm tryin' to help. [ Whether he wants her help or not. ] Vanadi's special to you an' you're barely tryin' to fix your problems 'cause you'd rather stick your head in the sand an' hope things turn out alright all on their own. If you really want things to get better then you gotta think about 'em an' figure out what's happenin', that's why I'm askin' everything I'm askin'!

[oversleeps]

I'll think about them without you shouting at me, thanks. [ file that under 'things that'll never happen.' this time marduk does push apollo's hand away; he's just done, done indulging her and done committing a single second's pause to this subject.

he knows she's going to keep charging forward with her well-meaning counters to his protests, so he holds a hand up to preempt her. ] Don't.


[ the retort is going to come anyway, he knows that too. that's why he's already moving past her, out onto the main part of the deck, away from a space where she can pin him down and force him to talk. they're done here. ]

[irritating]

I'm not shouting at you!! [ She's just loud at all times, obviously. When her hand gets pushed away, then she shouts at him. ] Marduk!

[ He's right about Apollo wanting to keep charging forward, so the hand is a good call on his part. Apollo doesn't appreciate it though, and she's left huffing and frowning and feeling very much like her very good advice is being thrown right back in her face. But fine, is he wants to run away, she'll let him. It's not like he has anywhere else to fucking go anyway. ]

Fine! See if I ever fuckin' try to help you again, you big ungrateful baby.